Love Formula ~ Hate ~
by Azusa-J
Summary: One knows his feelings but hides them; one doesn't know his love and is confused. What destiny awaits these two? 1+2/2+1's Shounen ai. (Incomplete)
1. Chapter 1

Love Formula ~ Hate ~   
~ Part 1 ~  
  
By Azusa-J  
  
  
Date: March 28, 2002  
Disclaimer: *grabs a Hee-chan plushie* Kawaii! Kawaii!! *puts it back down and sighs* but they are not mine... Everything in the Gundam Wing Universe is not mine.   
Time setting: TWT  
Warnings: Romance, Shounen-ai, maybe mild angst  
Feedback : Yes, definitely! Please send it to azusaj@gundamwing.net  
Pairings: 1+2/2+1 (Just Shounen Ai)  
Rating: PG-13 [Not sure, for shounen-ai, is it right?]  
Notes : This is my first attempt for a Shounen ai fic, so please be gentle. Anything bad? Please tell me. Other than some humor behind-the-scene twists fics, I love some safehouse-boys'-lives fics. This is the first one. Grand opening!! PS. I've only learned English for a few years. I've tried my best on the grammar and spellings. If you find any thing bad, feel free to tell me.  
  
Final Warning: Shounen ai alert! Don't read if you're homophobic!  
  
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Here was another familiar scene - Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, typing at his precious laptop and Duo Maxwell, who called himself the God of Death [1], sprawling on the couch, flipping through the TV channels.  
  
"Man, why don't they have anything else, other than weather reports, talking shows, and selling stuffs." the braided boy let out a sigh and turned off the TV.  
  
Heero, sitting at the corner of the living room, kept on typing and ignored the American's comment. Felt himself being ignored *again,* Duo just threw his head back against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, pretending to fall asleep.  
  
tap, tap, tap...  
  
As the American kept his mouth shut, the only sound in the living room, or rather the entire safehouse, was the endless waltz of the laptop played as the Japanese boy's fingers dancing on the keys.   
  
tap, tap, tap...  
  
'It's so quiet when he is silent.' Heero thought, 'Stop it, concentrate on the mission report, Yuy!' His hands never slowed down and kept on typing.  
  
He just returned from a mission and was injured. It surprised the others when he came with a broken leg. Although he had set it back already, he still could hardly walk. Now, the others had received another mission from their "bosses" and were on their way. Duo was left behind since the mission did not require stealth attack and three pilots were enough. So there he was, stuck in the safehouse with the stoic boy.   
  
'Damn, I want to go out and have some fun.' the braided boy thought, 'I hate to be alone with him.' Their current safehouse was located inside the woods and was 30-minutes driving distance away from the closest town. And the bad news was that the only transportation, a motorcycle, had been taken by the others as another prossible retreat transportation in their mission. So basically, he was struck.  
  
He growled at the knowledge that he could do nothing but sat there until the others returned. He stood up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen, passed by the Japanese boy like he was not there. In fact, at the corner of his eyes, he watched the other boy's every move. Heero seemed did not even noticed he just walked by, although Duo understood that the Perfect Soldier had a radar in his head that could detect everything around him.  
  
As he arrived the kitchen, he opened the fridge and searched for some food. His hands rambled in the fridge, opening this box and searching in that bag but his mind was not there. He was thinking. Thinking what was wrong with him.   
  
'Why do I keep thinking about him. He is rude and cold and arrogant and mean. Every time I talk to him, he either ignores me or calls me 'baka [2], shut up!' Man, that really hurts my feelings. I just like talking so what's wrong with that? He doesn't need to be so mean, ne?' He shook his head. To tell the truth, he really hated Heero. As soon as he found out what "baka" means after was being called "baka" for several times, he began to hate him. The more Heero called him, he more he hated the Japanese boy.   
  
Living in the safehouse was fun; having companions and friends by his side made him feel safe and welcomed. He loved it. Quatre and Trowa were friendly, though one was more opened and the other was rather quiet. Wufei was so fun to pick on. But Heero was... a jerk. And the worst thing was that he was being roomed with him. It was just pure unlucky that they picked the same colour of straws. As the result of being constantly being ignored and called names, Duo had been too familiar with every single inch in their room: How many holes on the wall that was on his side, how many cracks on the ceiling above his bed, and how many splits on each furniture. He chuckled at that thought, 'Yeah, maybe I can send Quatre a list of how many cracks and splits in all his safehouses when the war is over.'  
  
Now his hands finally found an apple at the bottom drawer of the fridge. He closed the fridge and walked towards the sink, ready to wash the apple. But his mind was still wandering. 'I hate him! More than anything. Even more than the Alliance and OZ.' As he turned on the tap, the water flew out smoothly. He placed the apple under the water and... "Ee!" he hissed lightly as the cold water touched his injuries fingers. He looked at his injured finger and thought, 'But I don't understand myself, when he came back from the mission injured yesterday, why did I got so mad and grab the first aid kit for him right away, even breaking one of my fingers in the process and I didn't even notice it until Wufei told me. What's wrong with me?'  
  
Duo Maxwell was so deep in his thought that he did not notice the tap was still on. Not until Heero who heard the sound of constant running water from the living room and came turn off the water for him.  
  
Then he snapped out of his mind and looked at Heero. The Japanese looked disapproving and simply said, "Baka" in his usual monotone voice and left. He missed the sight of the hurt and hatred that sparked in those violet eyes.   
  
As the Japanese boy went out to the living room, he sighed inside his mind, 'What did I do now?'  
  
  
~tsuzuku~  
  
[1] Yes, I prefer to call him "God of Death." I don't know why people like to use "Shinigami." Duo is an American, and how would an American boy nicknamed himself with a Japanese term. You see, he started calling himself the "God of Death" since he was 12, or probably even younger than that. Yes, I am pretty strict on the ethnic things, but I'm not a racist, k?  
[2] For those who don't know, "baka" means "idiot" in Japanese.  
  
  
Azusa: This is my first attempt to write romance fics. Hope you like it. It comes out much much longer than I thought. Guess because I like rambling on and on ne? As always, feel free to tell me what you think about it, k? 


	2. Chapter 2

Love Formula ~ Hate ~   
~ Part 2 ~  
  
By Azusa-J  
  
  
Thanks Nancy K (Yup, this is a little bit different than the usual 1+2/2+1 fic), Kami (Don't worry, next chapter will be out soon), Autum (Thanks for the tips. I'm really sucks in English. I've fixed those errors and I learned something too. Thanks again), Hiro no miko, and Jessica (of course, just wait and see) for the reviews. Arigatou!  
  
  
Date: March 28, 2002  
Disclaimer: *grabs a Hee-chan plushie* Kawaii! Kawaii!! *puts it back down and sighs* but they are not mine... Everything in the Gundam Wing Universe is not mine.   
Time setting: TWT  
Warnings: Romance, Shounen-ai, maybe mild angst, POV (?)  
Feedback : Yes, definitely! Please send it to azusaj@gundamwing.net  
Pairings: 1+2/2+1 (Just Shounen Ai)  
Rating: PG-13 [Not sure, for shounen-ai, is it right?]  
Notes : This is my first attempt for a Shounen ai fic, so please be gentle. Anything bad? Please tell me. Other than some humor behind-the-scene twists fics, I love some safehouse-boys'-lives fics. This is the first one. Grand opening!! PS. I've only learned English for a few years. I've tried my best on the grammar and spellings. If you find any thing bad, feel free to tell me.  
  
Final Warning: Shounen ai alert! Don't read if you're homophobic!  
  
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As the Japanese boy went out to the living room, he sighed inwardly, 'What did I do now? Why did I call him 'baka' again?' His heart ached again.  
  
Heero understood his feelings towards to noisy American. He knew that he was in love with him. But what he did not understand was why. 'Since when did I start to feel attracted to him?' he asked himself. And his mind traced back to the time they met. All the memories were as fresh as yesterday's. When he tried to kill Relena at the dock, when Duo came free him from the Alliance hospital, when he brought him and his Gundam to Howard's salvage ship...  
  
'Probably at that time or so,' he thought. 'Or maybe not... I'm not really sure myself. First I envied him. How could he be so happy and carefree when he has to be a soldier, a Gundam pilot, participating in a war? I've tried to open myself up, but all the trainings kicked back. I have been trained to be a heartless killing machine and all emotions are not necessary for they are nothing but mere obstacles to the missions. How can he have all those killings and still has a happy-go-lucky humourous life?'  
  
'I then became admire him after I did some research on him. Not surprising, of course I have to investigate my comrades' identities before join them and live together in the safehouses. Honestly, I was surprised when I discovered he was an orphan lived on the street. Who would have guessed that happy guy is an orphan? The more I find out about him, the more I admire and respect him. After I learned about the Maxwell Church incident, I was completely shocked. Nothing on him can tell that he suffered that much! How can he hide all those sorrow inside and put on that joker mask he wears right now?'  
  
Just then, Duo came out from the kitchen with his half-eaten apple in his hand. He walked straight to their bedroom and closed the door behind him immediately. Heero could only see his back. Nothing usual, his braid still swinging at his back as he walk. Another usual day. However, if Heero saw his face, he would know that something was terrible wrong. Sadly, he did not.  
  
After the bedroom door was shut, Heero looked down at his laptop. He had not typed a single word after he came back from the kitchen. Of course, when he started thinking about the braided boy, he could not do anything, literally. That's why he constantly ignored or called Duo as "baka" or to "shut up" in order for him not to get distracted. But everytime he ignored the American, his heart ached and wanted so badly to look up to those violet eyes. Every "baka" he called was a dragger stabbed right into his heart. But he could not stop ignoring or calling names to the braided boy. Why? It was just because he was a Perfect Soldier.  
  
'Perfect Soldier? Perfect Soldier shouldn't feel any love or attraction, right?' He asked himself quietly, 'Then why do I love him? And since when I started to love him?' He shoke his head, pushing the thought about the braided boy away and started typing on his laptop again. Quickly finished the report and sent it to Doctor J, he shut down the laptop and stared at the blinked screen, thinking about Duo again.  
  
'I started to lost my self-control since we moved into the safehouse. I don't know was that fate or not to share a room with him. At first, I hated it. To share a room with that noisy boy was like a hell to me. Then, lately, I think it is a bliss. I can be closer to him. I can know him more and look at him through the corner of my eyes without him noticing. I am lucky that he never noticed, otherwise, I don't know how am I supposed to answer. Of course I can't say I love him, can I?' He smiled bitterly.  
  
'Actually, I didn't know my feelings until that mission, when he was captured. The others were panic and I was just horrorified. All I want to do was to rescue him and blow that damn OZ base up. I was so devastated and almost lost it. How much I wish it was me being captured instead? How much I blamed myself not protecting him back then? The others didn't seem to notice my true feelings, just thinking I was frustrated because of the mission failure, which was really a bliss. I don't want anyone to know my feelings, even myself.'   
  
'But from that time on, I know that from admiration and respect, my feelings towards him had somehow turned into love. I admit that I had a hard time finding my true feelings for him. I've never thought I was gay [1]. Although I've never been in any form of relationship before, I still don't think my sexual preference is that - I'm gay. After struggling about it for almost a week, that was the longest and toughest battle I've been, facing hundreds of mobile suits may be a bit easier, I finally come up with the solution, I love him, whether he is a boy or girl. I love Duo Maxwell with my life.' Heero had a slight smile on his lips at that confession. 'Yes, I love him.'  
  
'But I can't tell him ne? Just like what J always said, 'emotions are nothing but mere obstacle to the mission.' I can't let him know. Our relationship will be a liability to our missions.'  
  
Even though after that Duo captured incident, he knew his true feelings, he did not show any affairs towards towards Duo. Rather, he called Duo "baka" and ignored him even more than before. These acts were killing him inside, but he had to do them, so that he reminded himself that mission was the priority to anything and everything.  
  
Heero looked around, the living room was so quiet. Deep inside, he loved to accompany Duo, who would always bring some joyful yet sometimes annoying talking. He chuckled, yes, annoying but yet he loved to hear them. 'People used to say when one's in love, he will love everything of his lover, even his defects. Guess now I actually enjoy his incessant talking.'  
  
Wanted to hear Duo again, Heero slowly stood up and walked towards their bedroom with his injured leg. As he opened the door...  
  
  
~tsuzuku~  
  
  
[1] Sorry, no offence to homosexual relationship there. I just read so many interviews or surveys about the homosexual relationships and find out that many people face that problem too. Remember, no offence, k?  
  
  
Azusa: Sorry for all those babblings. Now it looks like a POV fics, doesn't it? I hate all those in-love-at-the-first-sight things. There isn't such a thing in real life. Well, maybe opposite attracts, but there always reasons behind every relationship, right? And I love the way the authors delevop the personalities of each characters. So this romance fics is NOT going to be OOC. Those original characteristics are more easy to write with anyways. As always, feel free to tell me how you think about it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Love Formula ~ Hate ~   
~ Part 3 ~  
  
By Azusa-J  
  
  
Thanks to Sayuki (No, I'm not. I just love Heero so I analyse him thoroughly. I'll try to write one for Duo, but can't promise you yet.), Winner the Pooh (Don't worry, I don't write deathfic.), So (Thanks pal! The name of this fic is come Two-Mix's Love Formula ~ Freedom ~.), Moon Ladi, Susu (Good, you didn't think it's babblings, 'cause there are a lot more.), Madisonne (Thanks for the compliments.), Dark Wing Angel, Xeltrix (Yep, that's why I spend so much time writing this babblings.), Mancy, Suzaku (You'll find out this chapter.), Qing (It's good to know someone doesn't like in-love-in-the-first things.), Nancy K (Yup, this is a little bit different than the usual 1+2/2+1 fic), Kami (Don't worry, next chapter will be out soon), Autum (Thanks for the tips. I'm really sucks in English. I've fixed those errors and I learned something too. Thanks again) for the reviews. Arigatou, minna-san!!  
  
  
Date: March 28, 2002  
Disclaimer: *grabs a Hee-chan plushie* Kawaii! Kawaii!! *puts it back down and sighs* but they are not mine... Everything in the Gundam Wing Universe is not mine.   
Time setting: TWT  
Warnings: Romance, Shounen-ai, maybe mild angst, POV (?)  
Feedback : Yes, definitely! Please send it to azusaj@gundamwing.net  
Pairings: 1+2/2+1 (Just Shounen Ai)  
Rating: PG-13 [Not sure, for shounen-ai, is it right?]  
Notes : This is my first attempt for a Shounen ai fic, so please be gentle. Anything bad? Please tell me. Other than some humor behind-the-scene twists fics, I love some safehouse-boys'-lives fics. This is the first one. Grand opening!! PS. I've only learned English for a few years. I've tried my best on the grammar and spellings. If you find any thing bad, feel free to tell me.  
  
Final Warning: Shounen ai alert! Don't read if you're homophobic! (Like anyone's gonna listen...) *sighs*  
  
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Heero slowly stood up and walked towards their bedroom with his injured leg. As he opened the door, he was greeted by a pair of blazing violet eyes that filled with a mixture of hatred, anger, and hurt. He shocked; he had never thought that Duo could have such a dreadful glare. He used to glare the others but now he was sure that this glare could rival to his own death glare. Feeling uneasy, the Japanese boy slowly walked towards his bed and pretended to ignore the American. He laid on his bed, and waited for the braided boy to start the conversation, as usual.  
  
Duo was actually shocked as the Japanese boy came in. He thought that Heero would prefer to stay in the living room rather than come into the room to be with him. That was why after being insulted again in the kitchen, he came back to his bedroom and picked his favorite manga, hoping the humourous manga would help him to feel better.  
  
As soon as he saw the other boy's face, anger raged up from his chest. Right at that second, he could almost hear the word "baka" escape from the lips even the Japanese had not said a thing yet. To him, Heero was pretty much like a tape recorder which all it could play was "baka."  
  
Duo let his anger calmed down a bit and began to read the manga before him, which he completely forgot as Heero came in. He flipped the pages and fixed his eyes on the book. His eyes were on the manga, but his mind was not. All the things in the manga did not make sense to him anymore after Heero came in. His mind was filled with him, the figure that laid on the bed across the room. The braided boy flipped a page then another, not really reading it, not even scanning through it. As soon as his hand touched the hard cover of the manga, he snapped out of his mind and realized he blindly finished the manga. He closed the manga and stared at the ceiling above him, kept on thinking.  
  
'Why is that every time he's around me, I can't think or do anything. Damn! Why am I still thinking about that bastard? I hate him! Stop thinking about him.' Duo shook his head. 'But why am I hurt so badly when he calls me 'baka?' Like all those OZ soldiers and people calling me names that a lot worse than that, I'll just laugh it off and they don't really get under my skin. After the minute they call me, I can forget about it completely. Why only 'he' calling me names can make me angry and hurt? Why?'  
  
'After all, 'baka' isn't really bad, just simply means idiot. Yes, I'm an idiot. Because of my stupity, I always get myself into trouble and cause problems to the others, even death.' his faces saddened at that thought.   
  
'I am indeed a baka. Like yesterday, as he came home from the mission injured, I was so mad. Why? Why should I mad? After all, it was his injury, his mission, and his fault. Why? Yeah, I yelled at him for his injury. He looked sad at that time. I still remembered that. His Prussian blue eyes dimmed at my harsh words and bowed his head. Funny, I should be happy to see that bastard defeated but rather, I felt hollow inside. I still can't put a finger on that feeling, even now. It was that hollow feelings made me turned away and rushed to grab the first aid kit from the bathroom. That was pure instinct. Before I knew what happened, I was in the living room with the first aid kit and Quatre started to cure Heero. Why was I caring about him? He always insults me. He is always being so mean to me. I don't get it, I just don't get it!' He scratched his head.  
  
'The most ironic thing is that I broke my finger when I grabbed the first aid kit for him. I broke a finger because of him!? For that jerk!? Actually, I didn't notice until Quatre finished bandaging Heero and Wufei looked at me in horror. I still don't understand how could I didn't feel the pain back then. That was quite a serious injury, but of course, it was nothing compare to his. One of the joints of my little finger on my left hand was broken and the blood was flooding out like stream. It should hurt like hell but I didn't feel any of it. Why? What had occupied my mind back then so I felt no pain? It's... him... But why? What the heck's going on with me?' His mind was still struggling with his own feelings.  
  
After awhile of silence, Heero thought, 'Why doesn't he start talking, like the way he used to be? What's wrong with him?'  
  
  
~tsuzuku~  
  
  
Azusa: So this is a Duo's POV. How'd about it? Now it is getting much much much longer than I planned. As always, feel free to tell me how do you think about it.  
  
Also, I have an announcement to make: Due to my final exams, I have to put all my fics on hold until end of April. I'm really really sorry if the suspense is killing you. *bows* Gomen, minna-san. Don't worry, I won't give up yet. Of course I'll give a happy end for them. 


End file.
